I met the love of my life many many years ago, way back when I was just 13 years old!
I will never forget the moment he walked into the room, the first thought I had was "I am going to marry this person!"
Yep, at 13 and I had never been more sure of anything in my life!
And amazingly enough this year we are celebrating 19 years of marriage, and 22 years of being together!
James has been everything I thought he would be - an amazing husband, a partner in crime, a best friend, my man crush everyday, my biggest supporter, and the sweetest dad to our two boys!
But let's be honest friend, it was a journey to get our marriage to the place it is now.
I would be totally dishonest if I said we got married and then it was "happily ever after!"
We had to work on our marriage, we had to prioritize our marriage, we had to fight for our marriage.
But it has all been so worth it!
It took massive effort to take 2 very strong willed individuals and mesh them into a life that could be lived together, has given us a marriage full of love, laughter, passion and excitement.
I can't tell you how many times we've been asked what we do to make our marriage work and so since it's February, the month of love, I wanted to share with you the top thing that we have found most important for a happy healthy marriage!
So without further ado, here it is!
James and Meg's Top Marriage Relationship Tip!
Marriage Tip #1
The most important thing we do to create a successful marriage is to COMMUNICATE!
I know this seems like simple advice, but this can be so much harder to do then we think
And it can be hard for one main reason - it's all in what we are talking about!
Before James and I got serious about making our relationship exceptional on our best days we talked about our day, about what we wanted to do on the weekend, about our kids schedule, about what our sister's friends mother said! And on our worst days, we talked about which one of us wasn't doing what, which one of us had said something to hurt the other, which one of us wasn't around enough, or didn't care enough, or only cared about themselves, the list could go on and on.
Now some of these conversations are important to have, but the kind of communication I'm focusing on is something deeper.
Our relationships can flourish if they are places where we talk about:
Our feelings/responses and what they reveal about ourselves, not just the faults of other people.
Our thoughts and how they directed our days.
Our words and the meaning we attach to them.
Our dreams and ideas that seem impossible, but might just need the encouragement of our partner to become a reality.
Our future and how we are going to navigate it together.
Our past and how it's affecting our present.
How we want to grow and how it might affect our relationship.
What we want to learn and how to share these things with one another.
How the different things we are going through in life can be used to bring us together and not pull us apart.
These kinds of conversations are so different then just talking about all the daily living stuff most of us normally talk (or fight) about - but they are the conversations that make all the difference.
They are the conversations that let someone look into our heart and into our intentions and desires.
They are vulnerable conversation because sometimes we hear things we don't know how to handle.
Which brings us to the one conversation that we have that has been a game changer for us!
That has made all the other conversations possible for us!
The most important thing we communicate is the assumptions we make!
What stories did I make up in my head today that I feel are so true, but really with more information, I might be wrong?
This is the most important conversation because this is where communication normally breaks down.
When our partner says something and we build a story about it in our minds, and then we act our the consequences of that imaginary story, instead of saying these magic words...
"Can you tell me what you meant by that? Because I'm making some assumptions in my head that are not helpful!"
That sentence has been a marriage saver many many times over!!
So how about you?
Do you need to use the "magic words"?